Itzy Bitzy…
June’s right around the corner and the heat wave last week that caused me to be motionless on the kitchen floor in a coma was a reminder that I need to get a new bathing suit this year. For the last 3 years, I have had the same red bikini.
To be honest, I might as well be naked in this thing.
First off, it’s a freaking string bikini. Secondly, it doesn’t do the only job I ask of it…to stay ON me.
Look for me in the world record books as having the greatest number of people who have seen me naked (without giving me any action) because of this damn bathing suit.
At Laguna Beach a couple summers ago, a wave hit me at just the right (or wrong) angle and took the entire thing off. Luckily, there were only about 250 people on the beach who had the pleasure of getting a shot of me in all my glory.
So, on the upcoming shopping trip, I’m going to require the following in order to make the new bathing suit purchase:
1. Must be cannon-ball safe.
2. There is no “tying” of the suit involved, because those that do are only asking for “untying” to occur.
And lastly…
3. It covers my ass and not just my ass crack.
I really don’t think this is too much to ask. Any suggestions are appreciated.
I have a couple of points to make here:
1) I only just discovered you have this blog, so please excuse my delay in reading all of this!
2) Have you noted that “old fashion” one pieces are supposed to be coming in to style? Sure they might look cute in the pictures, but you know that when you wear one in person, everyone that is looking at you, will be wondering why you’re wearing your mom’s suit…
3) I have decided that I *must* be old now, because I just got a new suit and put so little thought into it. I knew it had to be affordable, one piece (I have some self preservation going on here), and not a halter (because I personally need my neck to remain not snapped). Those three things led me onto the net, thinking “that looks fine,” and buying it without even trying it on. I HAVE to be old…
4) I would think that you could pretty much wear whatever swimsuit you fancy, so this insights a bit of jealousy going on.
5) related to point one, this is an older post, so you must have got one? SHARE
6) this is the longest comment EVER
(sorry)