Thanks for checking in. I think it’s awesome you’re participating still.

Yeah, I was able to make the cut. Getting a little bit of a slow start today with my entry.

I’ll check out your round one scene out soon! Thanks for the heads up.

Round 2 starts today. I’ve locked myself in the house. Self imposed exile from the world and I am going to write as hard as if i was still in.

I finally posted my first round scene on my website. Check it out and tell me what you think.

Any and all criticism (good or bad) is always accepted. good luck if you made it to the second round.

Good luck!!!!

Looks like we won’t know who advances for 3-4 weeks as it says here:

http://creativescreenwriting.com/cyberspace.open.2010.html

And just an FYI, they’re doing another CS Open in the fall!!!

http://www.screenwritingexpo.com/writingtournament.2010.html

Anyway, keep writing! Dig this bit of direction “as if God poured ketchup over the crowd”.

Cheers!

Sweet, thanks so much for your thoughts! I’ll check out your site soon to read yours!

I disagree with the comment about “Did I not?” because I speak that way sometimes to make a point, and sometimes I even throw in the obligatory british accent. But what do I know? Sometimes I feel like I’m a small british school girl trapped in the body of a 38 year old meathead.

I wasn’t sure if posting our scenes on our own sites were against the contest rules, but now I see everyone else doing it… I will have to as well.

Keep up the good writing. I hope you make it to the top 100.

Ron -
Thank you so much as well! I thought you made a lot of good points that would have made it better. To be honest, I was a little worried about going from the “bleachers” to the “vendors” in regards to it taking place a single location. I really appreciate your honest and constructive feedback! Thanks!

Now the bad news (LOL), I had difficulty picturing the scene because you used used both ballpark and stadium. You could have helped me a little by stating if it was Minor league, Major League or because of the situation, a College game seems to fit best.

There were a couple of places where I would have done things a little different.
Ex: The dialogue where Ray says “Did I not?” vs Didn’t I, makes him sound English or Aussie.

Leading up to the spilled beer was great. I could picture actually being there but instead of the crowd “plopping” down maybe something like- slowly sink back into their seats as Mitchell springs or leaps out of his, with his arms raised in triumph, accidentally spilling the beer of a neighboring fan.

Really bad news (LOL) I really don’t care what happens to anyone in this scene, before or after it happens and technically, I think you used two scenes. If I were judging this, which I have no credentials or experience to do and I could be completely wrong, I would give you between an 85-90. Good Luck and Well Done.