My CS Open Round Two Submission

2010 May 24
by Kim Nunley

After scratching my original idea and starting over, I somehow was able to submit my Round Two short scene entry for the 2010 Cyberspace Open yesterday with an hour to spare.

Only the top three scores out of the hundred remaining contestants will make it to the final round.

Here’s the prompt we had to follow for Round Two:

Your PROTAGONIST has been betrayed by his CONFIDANT — someone deep within his (or her) inner circle. This betrayal threatens to destroy everything the protagonist has been working towards. The protagonist’s only ace in the hole: the confidant is not yet aware he’s been found out. Write a crackling scene in which the protagonist confronts the confidant.

Below the jump is my entry, just click on “read more.”  Please excuse the minor formatting issues as the plug-in that I use to post in script format, scrippets, sometimes wigs out.  There are some things that are center justified that shouldn’t be and vice versa. 

Thank you for taking the time to read it and for offering any thoughts you may have on it.

EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

A quiet neighborhood. During a weekday like this, there’s nothing but the sounds of wind-bustled tree leaves and sporadic bird chirps. There’s nobody around--

Except for an ELDERLY MAN walking his DOG on a leash-- their daily routine. As they pass one home’s side yard fence--

The head of CHESTER, a fluffy-tailed California ground squirrel, pops out from around the fence-- watches as Man and dog continue down the sidewalk.

With the coast clear, Chester pops a NUT into his mouth, scampers across the street.

He hops up onto a fence, tightropes the top of it with ease into a home’s backyard.

BACKYARD

From the fence, Chester LEAPS onto the branch of a tree, climbs until he reaches the tree’s peak.

From this vantage point, he has a view over the neighborhood. He scans left to right. All clear.

Chester scales down the tree, onto the backyard’s lawn. After a last glance to see if anyone’s looking--

He furiously digs into the earth-- spews dirt up into the air as he makes his way down.

A moment later, jackpot. Nuts after nuts after nuts.

Chester drops the one he carried with the others.

He looks over his collection with pride.

Abruptly, he tosses down a brown sack, diligently fills it with the nuts.

BENNY (O.S.)

What are you doing?

Chester jumps, clutches his chest.

Once he sees it’s BENNY, another squirrel, he relaxes.

CHESTER

Geez, Benny. Give me cardiac arrest.

BENNY

Chillax, Chest’, it’s just me.

Benny jumps down into the hole, tosses down his own nut.

There’s a distinct difference in appearance between these two-- Benny the taller, more muscular one.

Chester puts his hands on his waist, a noticeable animosity towards Benny amplifies.

CHESTER

What are you doing here?

Benny pulls out hidden nuts from within his bushy tail.

BENNY

What do you think, bro’? Collecting grub, of course.

Benny notices the sack.

BENNY (CONT’D)

Why does it look like you’re packing up our nuts?

(gasp, a realization)

You’re ducking out on me.

CHESTER

I’m not.

They both look down to the brown sack, filled to the brim.

BENNY

You were about to take our winter stash and ditch me!

CHESTER

Everything’s fine. I’m just doing a little reorganization, spring cleaning.

BENNY

Spring cleaning? It’s October, Chester! You’re a backstabber!

Benny violently shoves Chester. This only fuels Chester.

CHESTER

Me?

BENNY

My own brother!

Benny paces back and forth.

BENNY (CONT’D)

You know what you are? You’re a chipmunk!

Chester jerks back.

CHESTER

That’s below the tail, Benny.

Chester lunges at Benny-- Benny back towards Chester. UMPH! They meet, entangle, scuffle around in the dirt.

Benny gets the upper hand-- pins Chester face down, holds his head in the dirt. Chester relentlessly squirms.

BENNY

How could you do this? I should string you up by your back paws!

CHESTER

I’m not the one who’s a backstabber. You told the “Squirrellettes” where our stash was!

Benny stiffens.

BENNY

How do you know about that?

MEMORY FLASH

THREE FEMALE SQUIRRELS-- the “Squirrellettes.” They’re being charmed by Benny, who tries to be suave, flirtatious.

BENNY (CONT’D)

My name’s Benny, but people call me “B-Nut.” So what are you ladies doing later?

LYNDSEY, the leader of the Squirrellettes, is not impressed.

LYNDSEY

Yeah, we’re real busy. We have plans to give each other manicures--

One Squirrellette sharpens her nails on a tree.

LYNDSEY (CONT’D)

So unless you can offer something exciting--

BENNY

Well, uh-- maybe we could have a party? At my place? I can get you gals more nuts that you could ever dream of.

This perks Lyndsey’s interest-- she seductively leans towards him.

LYNDSEY

Really?

BACK TO PRESENT

Chester wriggles wildly.

CHESTER

Let me go!

Benny releases him. They both brush themselves off.

CHESTER (CONT’D)

I don’t like them, Benny. Especially their leader--

BENNY

(dreamy)

Lyndsey.

CHESTER

I don’t trust her.

BENNY

You don’t know her like I do, Chest’. She loves me. We’re going to be together.

CHESTER

Oh, really? You need to focus on our goal instead of off chasing fluffy tail. Remember what Dad taught us? Squirrels work the summer so they live in winter.

BENNY

Dad was also alone his entire life. That’s not gonna be me.

SNAP! The sound of a twig snapping causes both of them to instinctively stand tall on two feet, freeze.

A moment, then both Benny and Chester jump, grip hold of the hole’s ledge, hold themselves so the can peek over the top.

At the edge of the yard are the Squirrellettes, collaborated into a huddle. They each have their own brown sack in hand.

Lyndsey points towards the coveted hole of nuts.

Benny GASPS.

He drops down to the hole. Chester follows suit.

BENNY (CONT’D)

She played me.

Benny sits down in the dirt, puts his face in his paws.

CHESTER

Benny, we’ve got to get our nuts out of here.

BENNY

You take ‘em. I don’t deserve them.

CHESTER

I can’t do this alone. Get up.

Chester reaches out a paw to Benny, who takes it reluctantly.

BENNY

I’m so sorry, bro’.

CHESTER

Forget it, we’re in this together.

Benny picks up the brown sack, throws it over his back.

CHESTER (CONT’D)

And Benny-- you don’t ever have to worry about being alone.

Chester reaches out his paw towards Benny. After a moment of hesitation, Chester reaches out with his. They go through a special handshake, consisting of claps, daps, and butt taps.

Benny, with sack, and Chester, nuts in any place he can carry them, scamper away from the empty hole.

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8 Responses leave one →
  1. becky permalink
    May 24, 2010

    Loved it. One of your best shorts ever. Well written, super funny and flowed very well. Good job Kimmy. Your writing has improved so much since the first scripts I’ve read… :D

  2. May 24, 2010

    Thank you so much Becks. :) You just made my day!

  3. Janienj permalink
    May 25, 2010

    Kim,
    I have to confess, I’ve been a fan of your writing for quite sometime. I am also a fellow writer and entered the CS Open and missed Round 2 with a grade of 92. Your writing style always inspires me to write better. You have such a great voice — and your second round entry should crown you CS Open winner. Bravo and big virtual hugs.

    Janienj

  4. May 26, 2010

    Thank you so much Janienj. I can’t tell you how it made me feel when I read your comment. I really appreciate your kind words.

    And a 92 is an awesome score that you should be proud of, so congratulations. Thanks again for taking the time out of your day to visit my site and for the incredible comment.

  5. June 5, 2010

    Such a range of emotion in this short. I laugh, I well up a little at the end, and I wanted to kick those dirty bitches asses.
    g

  6. June 7, 2010

    Ha ha… awesome! Thanks Gail!

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